Gutfeld! 10/18/24 FULL END SHOW | FOX BREAKING NEWS TRUMP October 18, 2024

I [Applause] know I I understand it’s Friday so you know what that means let’s welcome tonight’s guest he’s an outspoken guest with an impeccable chest Trump transition team co-chair Robert F Kennedy [Applause] Jr she makes moonshine and hosts the bottom line Fox Business anchor d dowel this man is Iconic and his legs are bionic Fox News contributor Eric Johnny Joey Joon and finally he makes tough guys shiver and old ladies quiver New York Times bestselling author comedian all right well I’m done all right before we get to some news stories let’s do this Gregs leftovers here we go M all right it’s leftovers where I read the jokes we didn’t use this week and as always it’s my first time reading them so if they suck we’ll make Joe Macky listen to every speech made by kamla Harris all right the ladies of the view said they won’t dress up for Halloween this year because it’s too close to election day and because wearing scary masks would be redundant also Joy already ate all the pumpkins so what did the view go as last year I think we have a picture oh terrible Democrat political strategist James Carville said that if Donald Trump wins Trump will start rounding up young black men who knew Trump was a Kardashian yeah thank you all right I appr President Biden is in Berlin for talks with German leaders on Ukraine he said his first priority is to meet with this guy a dangerous Venezuelan gang is now taken over at least four apartment complexes in San Antonio residents say the constant gunfire is offset by the free Landscaping can’t tell if it’s racist can you earlier this week Hillary Clinton said Donald Trump is unqualified to be president because he’s increasingly unstable she would have said more but she had to get back to planning her next murder during a campaign stop this weekend Donald Trump is expected to work the frier out of pennslvania McDonald’s which means as a change of pace your Big Mac will now come with a straight orange [Laughter] hair terrible a woman was caught trying to sneak a sword through security at LaGuardia Airport she told officials she needed it to commit suicide in case the inflight movie was Joker two Bath and Body Works apologizes for the KKK looking [Laughter] candles it didn’t help that the scent was of freshly picked cotton [Applause] [Laughter] Nancy Pelosi says Joe Biden hasn’t talked to her since he dropped out of the race to be fair he now communicates through a series of blinks a man lived 78 years unaware that he had three penises wow that must have been some beerbelly [Music] [Laughter] it’s okay you don’t have to clap wow a new study reveals that gen Z would rather be models than doctors makes sense if you’re a doctor you got to put a finger in people’s asses if you’re a model you just have to put a finger down your throat terrible terrible alucino says there are advantages to being a new dad at the age of 84 for one the family saves money buying diapers and bulk and finally to break the Guinness world record for the largest pair of jeans a Chinese company assembled a pair with a 190 ft waistline needless to say they’re calling the design the Christy all right a friend let’s do a monologue so a new poll shows how supporting Donald Trump hurts your chances in the dating scene 43% of people between the ages of 18 and 34 said they would have a more negative view of a date if they voted for Trump on the flip side only 19% would view a date more negatively if they voted for kamla Harris which means that the right is more tolerant than the left or that will bang anything even stupid chicks now I’m no expert in dating I haven’t been on a date since women started having penises but the bigger picture is how people now attach moral judgment to political alliances which only seems to go one way no one ever morally condemns the liberal aunt at Thanksgiving it’s only the conservative uncle and this trend is everywhere not just the dating pool take a look at our schools California teacher allegedly held a mock election and rewarded Harris supporters kids with a pizza party Libs of tick tock obtained a phone call between a concerned parent and the educator take a listen you had told the class that whoever votes for CA will get a pizza party but those that don’t will not be included in the pizza party for Harris um yeah I believe only one period period five uh had a majority for Harris M and I and I said and to follow that same spirit because the the Democrats are more for feeding the hungry free medical care uh for more services just pay higher taxes that I’ll be willing to buy pizza for the class so the other classes because they did not vote for um Harris they’re not going to get pizza yeah well they can they just do what the conservatives do which pay for yourself amazing no problem so there’s a pizza party just for the KLA kid while those trumpy brats must be punished for holding a different belief it’s ostracizing but you probably felt it yourself once or twice I know I have in the old days when I was vehemently anti-trump I had lots of famous and not so famous friends then when I changed many of them changed too they dropped me like a hot potato or in my case a gorgeous small fry now think about Trump’s merry band of motly supporters Unapologetic free thinkers like RFK Jr Elon Musk Tulsi gabard and then think about all the people they pissed off by not taking the easy Road and supporting kamla but instead backing Trump did they lose friends piss off family of course now I often heard gutfeld’s Chang he’s not the same guy from the redey days well duh people change and they should especially when given new information I would hate to be the person whose ego keeps him tra in old defeating ways because they can’t admit that they’re wrong that only makes you bitter and resentful and if you’re one of those people who expect others to stay the same to please your own assumptions it says more about you than us something’s missing in your life and it’s bigger than politics which is why we can all take a lesson from Trump’s pirate ship of supporters the rfks Elon and tuls Tulsi of the world they’re all vastly different all previously holding antithetical opinions about Trump yet unafraid to adjust their thinking and Forge their own independent path despite what others may think it’s not easy certainly not as easy as just avoiding the resentment of others we always talk about people having Fu money you know being rich enough so you could say whatever you want maybe it’s better to have Fu friends being loved and respected Enough by so many real friends that you can shed the people who dump you over politics in time though they’ll find out that they need you more than you need [Applause] them thank you what can I call you RFK Jr yeah or Bobby Bobby I like Bobby seems like we’re old friends Bobby let’s go out back and wrestle that cow all right this this topic I like this topic because I feel like you know this uh you probably experienced conflicts and fissures from family and from friends right yes karity specifics well I you know I was interested in this because of what uh the the observation you made about um that it’s kind of a paradox that uh Democrats see themselves as the party of Tolerance MH and I think you know there’s intolerance there’s vial there’s poison there’s anger on both sides but I found that it’s more that that the Democrats are much less tolerant of somebody holding different political beliefs there’s a the the tribalism and the orthodoxies are much more Insidious in the Democratic party and it’s disturbing to me because I think the polarization is the worst thing for our country MH and that you know we have huge problems in this country but we also are very resilient but we’re never going to solve them if we don’t if we’re not able to come together and I think that um the Democrats are much more tend to be much more intolerant than in a box you know that you have family you have job you have sports Recreation but for Democrats politics is part of your identity maybe that’s what it is I don’t know that’s my thought there’s also I think that the people who these days who tend to be Republican or conservative are much more inclined to critical thinking and I think that used to be the purview of the democratic party but you had said before that we left the Democratic party that Elon myself and tulsey I think all of us feel like the Democratic party left us at a party that of Robert Kennedy of John Kennedy doesn’t exist anymore that was the party of that was anti war it was the party that was against censorship it was the part that oppose the corporate takeover of our government uh today the Democratic party is the party of War it’s the party of censorship it’s the party of of Wall Street of big Pharma big Tech Big Data big Banking and the military industrial complex and big butts because of the diet yeah well I it’s true big food okay but all but all Big Butts Are Not a Bad Thing G no that’s true that’s true okay because people who don’t skip leg days okay denan I’m want to flip the rolls would you date a man what sorry oh he never skips leg dates terrible absolutely terrible danan I love you would you date a man or even a woman you never know who supported KLA [Laughter] no um but let me flip that yeah if a man can avoid dating or shacking up with a kamla kind of gal that’s a blessing from on high like a comma kind of gal versus celibacy or self-love you got to choose the self-love and the celibacy all day long but and I’m talking about a type of person the type of person when a dude wants to introduce the K conal to his parents for the very first time and she shows up half an hour late for church and you say oh you’re half an hour late for church we got to sit in the balcony now and she says I twisted my ankle on the way here I should be in the emergency room why are you worried about me or who gave you permission to go to the Bengals game with your buddies I don’t remember given you permission to go to the Bengals game with your buddies what woman did you talk to who gave you permission to go to the Bengals game with your buddies we were going to go bath mat shopping on Sunday that’s the KLA kind of gal so if she runs for the hills kiss the ground that she left in her way M Joey what do you make of that California teacher those kids that was pretty amazing I kind of agreed with her when she tied a bow on it I mean she like they can do what conservatives do and pay for it themselves amen because this is what happens all the kids that make straight A they come in and they’re going to pay for it for the kids that don’t show up to class so they can have pizza right that’s the liberal way of doing things or the Democrat way of doing things what I love about your monologue is you invoke the idea of uh Fu money and when you grew up in a 1966 single wide you money is pretty low and I’ve been there for a while like I joined the Marine Corp and I was there like you know what I mean like I’ve got food we’re good yeah and so for me like look you know I hunt I enjoy it I shoot guns I own plenty of them I want a little bit of land I raise my kids I love my family and I don’t believe because I got blown up somewhere that my responsibility to my community my my responsibility to contribute is less than what I’m owed as this victim that I could have been if that makes me conservative instead of liberal if it makes me Republican instead of democrat those words don’t matter to me those are just things I’ve lived and believed in but if if you don’t like me because of that MH then yeah you know $2 in my pockets F you money yeah Tyrus I think you’ve been around so to speak uhhuh any dating advice for the modern male who isn’t woke uh wait to see what the UFOs are bringing it might be something new more understanding because I will never disagree with the great de and McDow but some of those behaviors she described I’ve been experiencing myself and it’s more conservative than I am so I I you know it it kind of goes around but we’re missing the most beautiful thing of the of your monologue was that the teacher had to reluctantly say five of the classes voted for Trump one of out of the mouths of B my beard is safe but that’s and one other thing I guarantee you those kids who voted for Trump also when they said pizza party probably voted for Trump so they wouldn’t get the pizza party because they know pizza’s bad for them it’s not the same Pizza they they probably had their meal prep from their power conservative moms and they were not going to come home with dairy and stuff in their bloods in their stomachs so let the little and I guarantee you the little the little chubby guys who are not going to recess or voting for kamla let them have their little pizza party but they can’t escape from the really in shaped conservative bullies chasing him now wow don’t bully yes he we we do not condone bullying unless they’re really annoying kids okay up next why Trump’s the winner at the Al Smith dinner Trump’s got the quips at the dinner commas skips our video the day comes to us from the alith a fundraiser for Catholic Charities here in New York historically presidential candidates attend together setting aside their differences for a good cause and the chance to brutally roast each other and Trump did not hold back roll it Chuck Schumer is here looking very Dum does it look slum it looks slum but look on the bright side shk considering how woke your party has become if Cala loses you still have a chance to become the first woman president there’s a group called white dudes for Harris have you seen this but I’m not worried about them at all because their wives and their wives lovers are all voting for me the major issue in this race is child care and Cala has put forward a concept of a plan a lot of people don’t like it the only piece of advice I would have for her and the event that she wins would be not to let her husband Doug anywhere near the nannies just keep them away I used to think the Democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods but then I met Tim Waltz well I’d better wrap up because mayor Adams told me earlier that I needed to make this one very quick especially the city has reserved this room for a large group of illegal aliens coming in from Texas but much like Jesse water when the bill comes KLA was a no-show the first Democrat nomin to bail on the dinner since ‘ 84 and if you can’t remember the candidate in ‘ 84 that’s why she chose and said to play a cringeworthy pre-taped skit the alith dinner provides a rare opportunity to set aside partisanship who was that oh sorry Mary cath G Mary cath G it’s so nice to meet you it is a very important dinner and it’s an important tradition that I’m so proud to be a part of sometimes when I get nervous I stick my fingers under my arms and I Sim them like that I’m giving a speech do you have some thoughts about what I might say tonight it’s time for a woman bro don’t forget to say Superstar thank you Mary Catherine thank you mamala well that was timely does anybody born after 1980 even know what the hell that was but surprisingly the MC of the evening Jim Gaffin who also plays Tim Waltz on SNL didn’t let the dams off the hook President Biden couldn’t be here tonight the DNC made sure of that you know this event has been referred to as the Catholic Met Gala 22% of Americans identify as Catholic Catholics will be a key demographic in every Battleground state I’m sorry why is Vice President Harris not here the Democrats have been telling us Trump Trump’s reelection is a threat to democracy in fact they were so concerned of this threat they staged a coup out did their democratically elected incumbent and installed kamla Harris in other words all her dreams have come true ouch hurts more than my hemorrhoids so Bobby you were there last night and I wanted to ask you because we we were talking about this earlier this divisiveness that this thick cloud of divisiveness and yet you see Chuck Schumer playfully engaging Trump and it kind of bothers me because it’s like on the publicly they say Trump is Satan and then then they’re like you know shaking hands and having comfortable conversation is Schumer aware of the damage that his that his demonization is having when it’s not TR especially when it’s not true true I didn’t see from my perspective I could not see Schumer enjoying any part of it yeah okay he he did look glum throughout and you know one of the one of the uh really interesting phenomena about what’s happened over really since Co is that uh it used to be that that comedy was the purview of the left mhm and that uh Republic an who were kind of at that time spouting kind of corporate and and and governmental orthodoxies you can’t be funny when you do that no and then all the funniest people on the left became not funny Steven colar who used to be one of the funniest people in the world you can’t watch them anymore yeah and uh and all the F all the comedy is now happening on the on the right and even when I you know when I didn’t like Trump when I believed all of propaganda against him and you know and saw a lot of the things about him that you know that are or let’s say unconventional but I always said he’s got he’s the most entertaining politician that we’ve had in my lifetime he has great comedic timing and he showed that last night you know he was really funny last night really droll and yet he got you know it was a generally a hostile crowd yeah yeah and he got Universal laughter on all of those jokes and uh and you don’t see that on the left anymore no you don’t you know Tyrus was it a good idea for KLA you know what’s funny is she did say in her video it’s important to come together and then she didn’t show up right well again this isn’t like we haven’t seen her in public settings and I’m pretty sure when her team found out that there was no teleprompter there was going to be no kamla like it’s just she doesn’t do well in those settings we haven’t figured out what interview settings she does well in yet but we’re pretty [Applause] sure we’re pretty sure getting up there in front of people and telling jokes and here’s the difference Trump said some ones that weren’t so so great right because he unfortunately he didn’t have time to prep because somebody made him late that was hi but but he went and did it anyway and even when they were bad I think one the funniest parts of the whole thing he’s like well this one’s terrible yeah oh wow I should have read this one through like he was not afraid to make fun of himself now in the clips there there was a lot of tough jokes and the comedians were throwing real shots at him but every time they did he smiled he acknowledged it he laughed he took it on he was gracious that would not have happened the other side we would have saw what we saw when she who gets mad at Brett Bear how hard is it like no one gets mad at Brett Bear and when she was screaming at brettar what was she going to do knew when he said that we would have seen a reaction that would not have been good for her so she thought not showing up was the best move which should let everybody know exactly where their campaign is at right now Joey uh Gaffigan talking about mentioning the coup it’s like that seems like a right-wing talking point but he’s not a right-winger he’s Democrat no I think he brought some personal animous in there like hey you know like he is not happy about how that went out that’s how it came across to me cuz it was it was less comedy than some of the things that Trump was saying impr props to him for giving everyone that might tune in something that they could watch and not need to turn away from I mean I can’t turn into like I don’t get overly uh upset about what artists think or what celebrities want I don’t that doesn’t stop me from enjoying their art when they’re good actors and singers but I can’t tune into to the Golden Globes or the Oscars or anything like that because they’re not telling me Trump is bad they’re telling me I’m bad yes he didn’t do that last night and I appreciate him for it and for Trump I think the biggest power he did was slapping Schumer on the back and being he’s an all right guy because they are so focused on demonizing Trump like that’s all they have right now I mean when you look at the top issues for camalo I read a poll today going on Newsroom the the the second most important issue was that she isn’t Trump yeah they’ve programmed people to believe he’s just the absolute worst thing that could ever happen he goes up there and says you know yeah this guy hates me but he’s all right that’s a power move that’s being an alpha yeah you know danan it’s it’s like when I saw him do that to Chuck it was like watching Batman you know give a wedgie to the penguin Jerry Nadler wasn’t there that was tough he looks more like the penguin than Nadler speaking of Nadler it would be like reaching over and going I’ve always wanted to do this with the dandruff just brushing brushing off his uh suit coat cuz he kept going back to Chuck Schumer and at one point he said Chuck he’s the one who got Biden out he’s the guy much more so than Nancy Pelosi I know him he’s the one who did it the more he talked about Chuck Schumer Chuck Schumer became more and more like Montgomery Burns yeah he was just he was shrieking he was like please please stop talking about me Trump was loose yeah and confident after a long day yeah like he was every I mean did we’re going to show uh clips of tyrus’s interview in the later in the show but like I would be in bed by now I don’t get it and before that he was in Wall Street yeah like big meetings it was it he got it went to a barber shop in the Bronx tr’s the kind of guy I’ll shut up all right no they just yelled at me so I’ll shut up all right up next K OIC use stop drug abuse weight loss drugs reduce substance abuse I’m going to go to you Bobby this is your this is your wheelhouse so there’s this new study suggesting that this miracle weight loss drug asmic can also decrease opioid and alcohol abuse substantially as well as reduce sleep apnea and cognitive decline which sounds like great news but I’m always suspect when a drug ends up getting more than one usage it’s like it’s like now it’s got seven usages is this going to help make America healthy again no it this is you know I have I saw this headline yesterday and I I need to look at the methodology of that study because I don’t believe it the EU is right now investigating OIC for suicidal idation but you know it may be that the drug because it it suppresses all the reward pathway so it makes you want to do everything less and uh and that may be part of the of the answer for this but the idea that a drug is going to is going to cure drug addiction or alcoholism we’re spending $1,600 a month on this drug there’s a bill right now before Congress that will make it available to everybody who overweight which is 74% of the American population that alone will cost $3 trillion a year if we spent about one fif of that giving good food three meals a day to every man woman and child in our country we could solve the Obesity and diabetes epidemic overnight a tiny fraction of the cost oh they’re you know they’re trying to sell this there’s a huge push to sell this to the American public and you know it’s the is now the biggest company in Europe but they’re not marketing it in Europe they make this drug in Denmark and in Denmark they do not recommend it for diabetes or for obesity they recommend dietary and and behavioral changes in our country they’re counting on selling it to Americans because we’re so stupid and so addiction addicted to drug you know Joey it see you know I found this other statistic alcohol consumption in the US is the highest it’s been in decades but I all I hear about is people quitting booze but apparently I guess since the pandemic everybody became just feverish drinkers is OIC the answer well listen the best way lost drug I found was going to Afghanistan as a not quite ready bomb Tech yeah uh best joke I got tonight y’all better enjoy it it’s CU they don’t have real legs um but to be if he can joke about it you can laugh about I don’t know why they get so offended um you know listen all the cheat codes come with a price I mean alcohol can make you better with the ladies but it also lead to unwanted pregnancy right so anything you’re trying to do here to cheat your way into where you want to be just do the work man yeah what say you dig in it seems like it doesn’t address the driving forces behind obesity or drugs or alcohol it kind of just treats what it it everybody has their own Vice it doesn’t treat the underlying reason right and there also knock on effects or Consequences of whatever you do for example menopause you take like a stimulant to lose waight I am talking about myself and um because my face was the size of a tractor tire and I had like eight chins when I was on your show and then I lost all of the volume in my face and then you got to get shot in your face so you don’t look 85 I’m only 80 damn it so again offsetting it’s a lot of money and a lot of shots in my face and I mean actual shots yes thank you for clearing that [Applause] up oh oh Tyrus uh what do you think about this uh I I think it’s criminal uh especially because until we fix our food until we fix our drinking water you’re Lo you’re going to have a bunch of skinny fat unhealthy people yeah so you better it it’s it’s putting a Band-Aid on an amputation sorry and you know it’s not doing anything and the only way you lose weight is by burning more than you take in and the only way you keep it off is by eating healthy and which is bad for the McDonald’s of the world it’s bad for our food pyramid when Frosted Mini Wheats is on the food pyramid this problem that pyramid was like the it was a crime against humanity the original pyramid 8 to 12 servings of bread yeah we look it yeah no like you eat bread drink and the reason why alcohol is up is the administration all right coming up Trump sits down with the toughest man in [Applause] town what are for Fore what another sound fore spee fore for by don’t what are [Music] thee now ta foreign speech fore foree speech

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